COMPETITION IN ITS PUREST FORM
Competing is a skill, one that frankly most of us aren't all that good at. When things get competitive, it's easy for our experience to become ugly and unhealthy. Our desire to win drives what can become a dangerous obsession with the outcome. It uses the fear of failure to guide our decisions. It encourages us to make our opponent the enemy, and - whether we win or lose - it pushes us to act from a place of insecurity.
In truth, though, competition isn't meant to be ugly or unhealthy. It was actually created to be empowering and uplifting. The original meaning of the word "compete" comes from the Latin word competere, which literally means “to strive together.” In its purest form, competition is meant to be a joint effort, one that raises the standard of performance for those in the arena and brings out the very best they have to offer. Competition wasn’t created to make your opponent the enemy, but instead an ally in a mutual pursuit - someone pushing you to a level you never could’ve gotten to on your own.
A great example of competition in its purest form can be found at the top of pro tennis. Just last week, Roger Federer played the final match of his long and storied career in a team event called the Laver Cup. After that match, an emotional Federer heaved and sobbed his way through a heartfelt tribute celebrating his career - one of, if not the greatest in tennis history. The only person who seemed to be having a harder time holding it together than Federer in that moment was the man sitting next to him. The man widely regarded as his fiercest rival and toughest competition. The man he’d battled over and over again for years and one of the only men in the history of tennis who’s career could rival Federer’s, Rafael Nadal.
Roger Federer (left) and Rafael Nadal (right) at Federer's retirement ceremony.
For nearly 20 years, Federer and Nadal fought for tennis supremacy. This is a sport where legacy is defined by Grand Slam titles - the four major championship tournaments played each year. Federer made history by becoming the first man to win 20 of them. Today the record stands with Nadal at 22. They faced one another in nine different Grand Slam finals. (Nadal won six to Federer’s three.) Imagine how many titles Federer might have if he played in an era without Nadal...and how many Nadal might have if he played in an era without Federer. In one sense, the only thing keeping either of them from separating themselves even more as the very best ever was the other.
At the same time, it’s evident that there is a deep respect - even love - between these two fierce rivals. Nadal’s emotion and appreciation at Federer’s retirement ceremony is proof that their competitive relationship wasn’t built on ugliness or unhealthiness. It probably wouldn’t have been that hard for either of them to do what most competitors do - to see one another as the enemy, to be driven by their resentment or jealousy toward the other, and - whether they won or lost - to act from a place of insecurity.
But that’s not the way either Federer or Nadal chose to compete. Yes, it’s true that in one sense the only thing keeping either of them from separating themselves even more as the very best ever was the other. But in another sense, their mutual respect and admiration seems to validate a deeper understanding between the two men, that the very reason they became two of the very best ever was because of each other. They weren’t enemies. They were partners in a mutual pursuit, pushing each other to a level they never could’ve gotten to on their own.
It’s difficult to do - for me included, I must admit - but I do think there's value and freedom for any of us who choose to view competition this way. That doesn’t mean we need to diminish our desire to win. That’s a required trait for those who want to become a champion, and an obvious trait in both Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. They wanted to win as badly as anyone. But I would challenge and encourage you to work on seeing your opponent less as an enemy and more as an ally, someone pushing you to a place you can't go on your own. Appreciate the part they play in helping to bring out your best. That’s an empowering and uplifting way to play. That’s competition in its purest form.