GET TOUGHER (CONT.)
In last week’s newsletter, I talked all about toughness - what it looks like, why it’s important, and how we go about building it. Simply put, we get tough by doing tough things. I used the work we do with our hands as a simple illustration to describe how the toughness we need in life develops.
Here's a quick review. Each of us have experienced what happens when our hands aren’t prepared for the challenging work we put them through. That friction causes them to blister and bleed. As our skin recovers, though, it recognizes that some toughness in that particular area is necessary, and it adjusts accordingly. That skin grows back stronger and more resilient, and calluses start to form in the places where some toughness is required. Then, the difficult work doesn’t wound us. In fact, once that toughness starts to emerge where we need it, that difficult work only strengthens those calluses more, and prepares our hands for even bigger challenges to come.
Our minds work the same way. The challenging work we are required to face - the friction in life - has a way of exposing where we’re too weak and too fragile. But the more we identify and embrace those difficult moments and respond the right way, the tougher we become, and the more prepared we are to handle even bigger challenges that are to come. We get tough by doing tough things.
Today I want to share a few more ideas on what getting tougher looks like and the important part it plays in the champion’s pursuit. First, I want to emphasize the value of training your toughness. The good news for each of us is that if toughness is something we want to possess, then toughness is something we can possess. There are opportunities for us to build it every day. If you want, you can intentionally create some friction in your life. Try taking a cold shower. Do a set of push-ups to failure. Skip a meal. It doesn't have to be anything major, but when our minds are conditioned for comfort and convenience, there’s value in disruption. In the interest of training your toughness, I’d encourage you to consider where you could create a little in your own life.
But even if you don’t intentionally choose the challenges, I bet there will still be opportunities for some toughness training in your life today. That’s because sometimes in life you choose the challenges, and sometimes in life the challenges choose you. It’s possible that this day has a monumental toughness test in store for you. More likely, though, you’ll probably be forced to deal with a handful of unwelcome, uncomfortable, or inconvenient moments that, even though they won’t make or break your day, will still reveal something about your current level of resilience, and provide you with a chance to keep working on your response. Re-framing even those minor moments of testing and seeing each of them as an opportunity to show what your'e made of gives them a sense of purpose, and it continually brings your level of toughness to the forefront. Keep your radar up and pass the tests life gives you today.
The other message I want to share is for those of us who serve as leaders in the lives of our children. If our desire as parents and coaches is to build and develop champions - kids who are worthy of winning, on the playing field and beyond - then we have to accept that providing opportunities to train their toughness is just as important for them becoming their best as it is for us becoming ours.
The truth is, our kids get tough the same way we do - by doing tough things. Despite that, it can be easy to defend them or protect them from the friction they actually need to experience. When you love your children, it can be painful to watch them blister and bleed. But if we recognize that some toughness is important to their success in life, as an athlete and as a person, and it’s obvious that they aren't yet equipped in this area, then we have to accept that allowing them to experience those challenges is an important and necessary part of their development process.
Our job as leaders is to take the proverbial gloves off and allow those experiences to happen. Our job is to recognize that our children aren’t as tough as they need to be and trust that they aren’t as tough as they’re going to be, as long as we have the patience necessary for that development process to occur. Our job, in the meantime, is to support and encourage them in the midst of those struggles, and to frame those challenging experiences in a way that helps them understand their value and their purpose. Our job is to love them enough to prepare them for the sometimes unwelcome, uncomfortable, and inconvenient challenges that becoming their best will require. Because we recognize that we can't give our kids something we don't possess ourselves, our job is to make sure we model that winning behavior. That's why each of us have to keep getting tougher.