LOSING IS YOUR TEACHER
Stop for a minute and think back on your favorite teacher ever. Whether you’re currently enrolled as a student or it’s been many years since you graduated, each of us has a roster of educators - some good, and probably some not so good - who’ve helped to shape our school experience. There are many ways to define what makes a teacher who they are, but their effectiveness usually comes down to their performance in a couple important areas - their clarity and their kindness. The chart below illustrates it:
On one axis, you’ve got the teacher’s clarity. This speaks to their ability to educate. Great teachers clearly deliver content and bring the important educational objectives into focus. They know exactly why they’re there - to help their students learn - and they create the conditions necessary for that important work to happen.
On the other axis, you’ve got the teacher’s kindness. This is really less about what the teacher helps their students learn, and more about how the teacher makes their students feel. When a teacher creates an environment students want to be a part of - when they feel encouraged and supported - they are more motivated to engage in the sometimes difficult work that learning requires them to do. Great teachers recognize this reality and work to create a culture of kindness in their classroom.
Every teacher you’ve ever had falls somewhere on this coordinate plane. The best teachers are in quad 1 - they are both clear and kind. The worst teachers and in quad 2 - unclear and unkind. The easy teachers are in quad 3. You might have a great time in their classroom, you just aren’t gonna learn much. And the tough teachers are in quad 4. You’ll learn in there for sure…just don’t expect to enjoy it.
I share this simple framework today in order to clarify the challenging but potentially important place losing has in your winning pursuit. I don’t have to be the one to tell you that losing stinks, or - no matter who you are or where you're working to win - that it will be a part of your experience. We don’t like to talk about losing. We don’t even like to think about losing. But the truth is, losing can be really valuable, especially when we see it as our teacher. It has the power to help us learn where we aren’t good enough yet, and where we need to get better. It offers us some clear and valuable feedback that, if we use it the right way, can make us more worthy of winning tomorrow.
The problem for each of us is that while losing is a clear teacher, it’s not a kind teacher. It doesn’t make us feel good, and it doesn’t create an environment we want to be a part of. In fact, losing creates an environment most of us want to avoid at all costs. That’s why we work hard to move on from it. We want to forget that our embarrassing or underwhelming performance ever happened, and we pray we don’t have to experience it again. We avoid the discomfort of defeat, and for good reason. But in doing so we also forfeit the really valuable learning work that winning is often waiting for us to do.
It would be ideal of course if our teacher was both clear and kind, but life in competition only offers us an either-or proposition. Winning is way more fun, sure, but it has a way of distorting our perspective, and in doing so clouding our view of where or how we need to improve. Winning is way kinder, but way less clear. It makes us feel good, but it doesn’t offer us the cold, hard, but necessary feedback that our success tomorrow often requires us to accept.
I say all that today to help you recognize that in the important areas of your life and performance - in the places where you really want to win - losing isn't gonna make you feel good, but its insight will make you better...if you can handle the cold, hard, but necessary feedback it has to offer. I hope losing isn't a part of your experience today, but if it is? I hope you'll be ready and willing to learn the important lessons it has to teach.
