RAISING A FRONT-RUNNER

The last couple weeks my newsletters have focused on the challenges that come with raising a late bloomer. (In case you missed it, you can read them here and here.) This week I want to turn the tables and focus some attention on those at the other end of the development spectrum, those I’ll call the “front-runners.” They’re the athletes, thanks to Mother Nature, who’ve matured earlier than most, who dominate the game at a young age, and who enjoy the spoils that come with leading the pack.

I think we can all agree it’s fun to be a front-runner. And as a sports parent, it’s fun to have your child leading the pack, too. Seeing them succeed (and receiving all the high fives and pats on the back that come with it) always feels good. This kind of early success has some benefits. It can ignite your child's passion for playing. After all, it’s easier to love something you're good at than it is something you stink at. Life as a front-runner can also breed a strong sense of confidence in your child and his or her ability. That self-belief – and the expectation of winning it creates – can be a major advantage in the heat of competition.

You certainly don’t need to apologize for your front-runner’s success. In fact, you should enjoy it. But I do want you to see today that, believe it or not, there are some challenges that can come with raising a front-runner, too. In the midst of all the high fives and pats on the back, those challenges can be hard to discern, but they do exist. And if you’re serious about helping your young athlete stay in front when it really matters, then you need to see clearly what could complicate the road ahead.

Aesop’s famous fable “The Tortoise and the Hare” probably wasn’t written with your front-runner in mind, but it could’ve been. If your child's matured early, they’ve probably been enjoying the view from the front of the pack, and it may appear so far that they’ve left their late-blooming peers behind. As a champion sports parent, your job is to make sure that, despite their early advantage, they don't do what the hare in Aesop's fable did and take their opportunity for granted. You are responsible for helping your young athlete develop the mindset and perspective it takes to press on. To not only start in front, but to stay there.

You are responsible for helping your young athlete develop the mindset and perspective it takes to press on. To not only start in front, but to stay there.

Here’s a common challenge front-runners can face: while those in the back of the pack are developing their commitment, front-runners can easily become complacent. When you’re the best at the beginning of the race, it’s not hard to create for yourself the illusion that you’ll be the best throughout the race. But this sports experience is a marathon, not a sprint, and how you start doesn’t usually determine how you finish. While other kids are cultivating a commitment to their form and fundamentals, it can be easy for the front-runner and his parent to ignore the challenging but important work that improvement requires, and continue to rely instead on the natural size, strength, or speed that’s built them a lead already. But as kids get older and those physical attributes start evening out, front-runners may find that they aren’t equipped with the form and fundamentals they need to sustain their advantage.

Don’t fall into the trap of comparison or complacency, and don’t let your child do it, either. Stay focused on what’s most important – that commitment to the process of improvement – and help them keep working to become the best they can be, regardless of anyone else around them. That’s the most effective formula for keeping the lead they’ve built.

It's important to note that that commitment to improving includes more than just their body. It includes their brain, too. The advantages a front-runner possesses physically can lead to some deficiencies mentally. Kids in the back of the pack who falter and fail and face adversity have opportunities to learn some hard but valuable lessons about what real success requires. For front-runners, just the opposite can happen. Because faltering and failing and facing adversity aren’t usually a part of their experience, they can easily develop an unhealthy sense of entitlement. The easy road they’ve taken so far has taught them that winning should be effortless and that perseverance has no place in achievement. That's the mindset that encouraged the hare to relax while the tough-minded tortoise kept plugging away. It’s an attitude that can eventually cause your front-runner to falter, too.

Be creative about finding ways to allow struggle into your front-runner’s experience. If they have a hard time handling it, then it should validate that the challenge they’re experiencing might be just what they need. Help them accept that failing and faltering and facing adversity is part of any meaningful experience. If they haven’t had to endure any struggle as an athlete yet, that should confirm for you that what they’ve accomplished in sports so far isn’t all that important. Becoming a champion will require many mountains to climb, and they’ll need some perseverance for the journey. Those who haven’t been equipped may find themselves getting passed up when the real adventure begins.

While raising a late bloomer requires a unique level of patience and persistence, raising a front-runner requires a unique level of foresight and perspective. Because the burden’s been light so far, it may be easy to assume – like the hare did in Aesop’s fable – that it’ll be smooth sailing the rest of the way. Don’t fall into that trap. Your young athlete’s off to a great start, thanks mostly to Mother Nature. But it’ll be you – your guidance, your leadership, and your high-level parenting – that’ll take them the rest of the way.