WINNING IS EVERYWHERE
Recently my son found himself in a tough spot - a spot he hasn't been very often and one he didn't like very much. He found himself on the bench. As you might expect and maybe you've experienced for yourself, I found myself in a tough spot in that moment, too. As a sports parent, it’s never easy dealing with the unmet expectations that, in reality, are part of this experience for almost all of us. In the midst of that challenging situation, however, an opportunity presented itself to me. It gave me a chance to reiterate to my boy an important lesson I know he needs to learn. It's a lesson each of our kids need to learn, one we are responsible for teaching them: that winning is everywhere.
We all want to win, of course, and competition requires an opponent. Sometimes – like when you're actually in the game – the competition is obvious. The other team is trying to score while you and your teammates are trying to prevent it. You're trying to score and they're trying to prevent it. It’s a public battle, right there for everyone to see.
Sometimes, however, the competition is less obvious. When you’re on the bench, for instance, it’s not someone in a different jersey you’re competing against, but yourself. Winning there is defined by your ability to handle some adversity, to fight your own frustration, and to be your best in a difficult situation. The competition is the challenging circumstance you've been dealt. It may be a choice someone else has made or just a stroke of bad luck.
This is the kind of competition my son found himself in. He wanted to be on the field, fighting to win that public battle. Instead he was on the bench, fighting a more private one of his own. We are responsible for helping our kids see that in moments like those - sometimes, even when it feels like they've lost - there is still an opportunity for them to win. Even on the bench, they can choose to do what champions do. They can stay engaged in the game and prepare themselves to succeed if or when they do get their chance. They can support, uplift, and encourage their teammates, even those playing the position they want or believe they should be playing. They can exhibit positive energy, a positive attitude, and positive body language. The competition looks different, but it's a competition nonetheless. It's still an opportunity to win.
Of course, winning in moments like those isn't easy. Everywhere the choice to compete exists, the choice to step away from that competition exists, too. Relegated to the bench, this is the easier choice for losers to make. They usually check out and disengage from the game. They pout about the unfairness of their situation, complain about the coach’s decision, and secretly root against the person playing their position. Their negative energy, negative attitude, and negative body language outwardly confirm the fight they've lost inside.
It’s important for us to help our kids understand that working to win our private battles is meaningful because it prepares us most effectively to win our public ones. By staying engaged, being a great teammate and fighting that victim mentality, a player readies themselves to perform at a high level when their number is called. The player who's checked out and pouted around probably hasn’t shown their coach they deserve to play, but even if their number is called, how prepared will they be? When we help our kids train themselves to win when no one’s watching, we help them become people worthy of winning when everyone’s watching.
This is, by the way, an important lesson and a great reminder for each of us, too. Sometimes the battle we're fighting in our own lives is obvious for everyone to see, but more often it's one we're waging privately inside. Just like it is for our kids, winning on those days is defined by our ability to handle some adversity, to fight our own frustration, and to be our best in a difficult situation. The competition looks different, but it's a competition nonetheless. It's still an opportunity to win.
I want to challenge and encourage you to recognize today that all of it – even (and maybe especially) the hard stuff nobody knows about – provides us with a valuable opportunity to do what champions do. Winning is everywhere if we recognize it, including most likely wherever you are today. The more we do the hard work it takes to win, the more we validate it as part of our identity, and the more we show those around us what it looks like to be a champion, too.