How Do I Stop Being an Overbearing Sports Parent?
Champions aren’t born. They’re built. That’s a core belief here at Champions 101, and I hope your belief, too. Champions are built through a process of trying, failing, learning, struggling, improving, and eventually succeeding. They are built over a long, slow, sometimes painful period of time where that learning and improvement process takes place. And they’re built by leaders in their lives who take on the important but challenging work of teaching, training, and equipping them in those areas they recognize are so important to their success. As a sports parent, you are one of those leaders in the life of your child. They cannot become their best without you.
The problem for many parents is that their involvement becomes more of a hindrance than it is a help. While a purposeful and supportive sports parent can make this experience meaningful and fun for their child, an overbearing sports parent can make the same experience miserable for theirs. Each of us who fills this important role has to make sure we find a healthy balance.
Most of us of course only do what we do because we love our kids and want the best for them. Sometimes, though, our passion for seeing our kids succeed can burn a little too bright, and it can blind us to the reality of our decisions. If we aren’t careful, we can rob our kids of their joy for playing, and even create in them some resentment towards us. There are a number of sports parent resources available, and in this blog we’ll explore some of the effects an overbearing sports parent can have on their young athlete.
What Does an Overbearing Parent Look Like?
It’s really not that hard to see what is obviously overbearing behavior in other parents but fail to see that same negative behavior in ourselves. One of the most obvious signs is when sports parents are driven by their emotion. Parents who are driven by their emotion often overreact to their child’s performance, either for better or for worse. It’s like they’re riding a roller coaster of highs and lows throughout the experience. Left unchecked, this emotion can lead to decisions that may seem beneficial, but can actually be quite detrimental - and even harmful - to their child’s development. Some examples may include…
Dramatic reactions to mistakes or errors…Mistakes or errors that are a part of the game, like making a turnover, dropping a pass, or missing an easy shot are overblown and exaggerated. Of course no one wants their child to mess up, but champion sports parents recognize it as part of playing the game. Overbearing sports parents magnify mistakes and their impact on the game.
Overstepping boundaries…An overbearing sports parent will overstep boundaries, not only with their child but in other relationships, too. This type of parent might take it upon themselves to express their grievances with a coach, even at an inappropriate or inopportune time. This could also include interactions with referees or officials, with members of the opposing team, or other parents or fans.
Commanding from the stands…An overbearing sports parent often feels the need to control the actions and decisions of their child by yelling commands from the bleachers. Again, this type of behavior is usually motivated by good intentions, but the assumption that this type of behavior is helping their child or their team is usually false.
There’s a fine line between supporting your child effectively and becoming the overbearing sports parent. The resources we’ve created at Champions 101 provide parents with the knowledge and insight required to support their child effectively without going venturing into unhealthy or unproductive territory.
How Does an Overbearing Parent Affect a Child?
Success in sports at any level requires a passion for playing and a commitment to doing the hard work that becoming your best requires. The first effect that an overbearing sports parent can have on their child is diminishing that passion and commitment that are so important. A suffocating sports parent can steal the joy from their child’s experience. Additionally, children who have parents that display this kind of overbearing behavior tend to struggle with tasks that require assertiveness and independence. In the world of sports, a young athlete with this kind of parental influence can have difficulty making decisions in the heat of a practice or game out of fear of making mistakes.
These effects are of course not limited to a child’s experience in sports. It can lead to long-lasting effects on the child’s development in every area of life. On the other hand, parents who step back, allow their young athlete to make decisions for themselves, and then coach and support them through the aftermath of those decisions are using the game to strengthen their child’s confidence and decision-making, on the playing field and in life.
How Hard Should You Push Your Child In Sports?
This article isn’t meant to dissuade parents from pushing their child to succeed in sports, but rather to highlight the right and the wrong ways to go about doing that important work. Without perspective and intention, it’s really not that hard for a sports parent’s overbearing behavior to have some adverse effects. It really comes down to maintaining a healthy balance.
As we’ve said, your young athlete can’t become their best without your involvement, but get yourself too involved and you actually limit your child’s ability to make decisions and advocate for themselves, abilities they desperately need to develop. Here’s another example: your young athlete can’t become their best without some tough love, but you’ve got to make sure that love comes first. Build a strong foundation of support and encouragement for your child, and then when it’s necessary, they’ll be able to handle some challenge and accountability without crumbling to pieces. Our kids need us to be involved, and they need us to push them to reach their full potential. But in order to do that effectively, we can’t allow the pendulum to swing too far in either direction. Maintaining that healthy balance is key.
There are many reasons why our kids may eventually quit playing. As parents, we shouldn’t be one of them. Even if it drives your child today, you are responsible for seeing the big picture, that in the long run choosing to be an overbearing sports parent will lead to more harm than good. Take a step back and remember that playing the game was meant to be fun, and that this experience was meant to strengthen - not weaken - the relationship you have with your child. As a sports parent, you are a leader in the life of your young athlete. They cannot become their best without you.
Find That Healthy Balance with Champions 101
If you’re a sports parent who’s struggling with being too overbearing, Champions 101 can help you find your balance. Our online training program for parents provides you with virtual courses designed to help you effectively support your child’s growth and development. Like any 101 course, it’s focused on the fundamentals - the foundational mindsets, choices, and behaviors that will help you bring out the best in your young athlete, on the playing field and beyond.