How Does Parental Pressure Affect Athletes?
Sports parents are usually their child’s biggest fan. They cheer on their child’s performance and celebrate their success, and it’s obvious they want the best for their kid. But sometimes, even despite their good intentions, that desire to see their child succeed can lead some parents to make decisions that actually hurt more than they help.
Here’s a hypothetical that illustrates the point. Let’s say your son Bobby had a baseball game this evening. His team won 6-5, and he went 2-4 at the plate:
1st at-bat: groundout
2nd at-bat: 2 RBI double
3rd at-bat: single
4th at-bat: strikeout looking
By baseball standards, that’s a solid day at the plate. In fact, getting a hit in half their at-bats would lead even the major leagues in hitting and assure that player a spot in the Hall of Fame. So when Bobby comes piling his stuff into the backseat and joins you for the car ride home, where does your conversation go? Are you celebrating his team’s win and complimenting his successful trips to the plate? Or are you focusing on his failure and all he could’ve done better? Either way, Bobby’s listening.
This postgame conversation is a common occurrence for most sports parents, and one that - especially for those parents with a strong desire to see their child succeed - they don’t always navigate effectively. As sports parents, one of our most important responsibilities is to see the reality of where our choices lead, including the choices that may inadvertently put unhealthy and unproductive pressure on our kids. Despite our good intentions, our attempts to “help” may be pushing our young athletes farther from their very best.
In this blog, I’ll dive a little deeper into how parental pressure can affect a young athlete, and provide you with a few sports parent resources for making sure you support your child effectively.
Why Do Some Parents Put So Much Pressure on Their Child?
Each parent is different, and what motivates them is unique to their own priorities and experiences, so pinpointing the reason behind negative sports parenting behavior isn’t universal. But it is safe to say that more often than not, the root of unhealthy parental pressure is usually more about the parent than it is the child. It could be a jealousy issue, an insecurity issue, or a long list of additional issues we bring from our past, but if we’re serious about helping our kids reach their potential - as athletes and as people - it’s important to make sure our own struggles aren’t either consciously or subconsciously driving our unhealthy behavior.
What Are the Negative Effects of Parental Pressure?
Not only can too much pressure negatively impact your child’s performance, it can impact their overall health and well-being, too. More specifically, when parents take youth sports too seriously, they risk:
Negatively impacting their child’s performance by creating a culture of fear
Negatively impacting their child’s mental health through elevated stress/worry
Negatively impacting their child’s self-worth and self-esteem by tying their value to their performance
Negatively impacting their child’s relationships with their coaches and teammates, with the sport they’re playing, and with their own family members (parent/child relationship)
The truth is, the connection between parental pressure and mental health of young athletes can be difficult to understate, and the consequences of pushing a child too hard in sports can be tough to remedy.
Am I Putting Too Much Pressure on My Child?
Here are a few red flags that might reveal you’re putting too much pressure on your child:
Focusing on the negative…In the example of Bobby’s baseball game, dwelling on his strikeout and glossing over his multi-hit, multi-RBI, team-winning performance might be a sign that your priorities are out of balance.
Overreacting/losing your cool…Every sports parent gets frustrated sometimes, but when your negative emotion leads to losing your self-control or saying/doing things that you later regret, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on why this matters to you this much.
Ignoring the big picture…Being overly critical or overly negative often means we are too outcome-focused. That creates a myopic (short-sighted or narrow-minded) perspective where we lose sight of the big picture and become consumed with the here and now. While today matters, effective sports parenting requires that we focus on the process, the big picture development of our kids as athletes and as people.
The good news is that these detrimental choices are completely within our control, and just as we’ve allowed ourselves to exhibit these behaviors, with some intention and discipline, we can eliminate them from our sports parenting experience as well.
Tips for Being a Better Sports Parent
You can start being a better sports parent today by taking a deeper look into what really motivates and drives your overly negative or overly critical behaviors. Remember, more often than not that’s not a kid issue, that’s a parent issue. Uncovering what’s really at the root of those issues might be uncomfortable, but it is important to you and your child’s health.
You can also be a better sports parent by focusing on the controllables. There are plenty of dynamics in this experience that exist beyond your control, but no matter what happens, you are always in charge of your attitude, your actions, and your response to anything that happens, good or bad. When you model that kind of accountability, both you and your child benefit.
I’d also encourage you to see the big picture. In reality, your child’s performance today doesn’t mean much on its own. In fact, both you and your child will probably have forgotten the specifics of it by next month. What is important is that you are using today as part of that bigger development process. Today is an opportunity to keep building the effort, the attitude, and the resilience that becoming their best will require of your young athlete. Their statistical performances will waver, but your commitment to this development work never should.
Finally, recognize and accept that struggle, failure, and adversity will be a part of this experience. They are for every athlete, even the very best in the world. Your child’s failure as an athlete says nothing about your or your ability as a parent. But your child’s response to their failure says a lot about you and your ability as a parent. Embrace the struggle and use it to help your child develop the mindset of a champion.
Champions 101: Your Game Plan for Effective Sports Parenting
Champions 101 provides sports parents with some valuable resources for navigating this challenging experience. If you're a parent whose good intentions sometimes manifest themselves as critical, negative, or unhealthy decisions, recognizing it is an important first step. Next, you need a game plan for managing your emotion and using it positively to help your child get better. The Champions 101 online training program can help you become your best as a sports parent, so you can continue to bring out the best in your young athlete.